Exploring the Realities of Marriage: Seven Must-Read Books

Seven Books That Explore How Marriage Really Works

The Complexity of Matrimony in Literature

In our fascination with marriage, we often find ourselves drawn to the intricacies of other people’s relationships. TV shows like Couples Therapy and podcasts like Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? cater to our voyeuristic curiosity about the inner workings of marriages. However, when it comes to understanding the deeper questions about love, desire, and identity within the institution of marriage, nothing beats the scrutiny of a novelist.

Novels have long been the medium through which we explore the transformative power of matrimony. From the timeless romance of Darcy and Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice to the biting divorce narrative of Nora Ephron’s Heartburn, novelists have delved into the complexities of wedlock and its enduring allure. It is within the pages of these books that we find nuanced examinations of the ability of relationships to endure or crumble under pressure.

Exploring Fragile Bonds and Emotional Authenticity

The following seven novels offer a window into the various dimensions of marriage. They depict characters who seek connection and escape through the institution. Some view marriage as a social obligation, others as a source of nurturing love, and still others as a breeding ground for disloyalty. These books do not shy away from the unsettling reality that the person you pledged to love forever can become a complete stranger.

The Beauty of the Husband: A Fictional Essay in 29 Tangos by Anne Carson

In this poetic novel, Carson delves into love, attraction, betrayal, and bitterness. The narrator, recently separated from her husband, reflects on their years together. She grapples with the question of why she was inevitably drawn to him, even as he repeatedly borrowed from her work and engaged in infidelities. Carson’s novel offers a captivating portrayal of an imbalanced union, where one person’s overwhelming presence consumes the mind of the other.

Room Temperature by Nicholson Baker

Nicholson Baker, known for his meticulous attention to detail, captures the essence of everyday love in this novel. Centered around a father feeding his newborn daughter, Room Temperature explores the intimacy and tenderness that exists within a partnership. It beautifully illustrates how even the most ordinary aspects of shared life can hold profound meaning.

Eva’s Man by Gayl Jones

In this haunting novel, Jones tells the story of Eva, who shares her life’s account from a psychiatric prison after poisoning her lover. Through her narrative, Eva reveals the intense impact that marriage can have on an individual’s life. Jones argues that even brief unions can alter a person’s trajectory, leaving a lasting impression for better or worse.

Darryl by Jackie Ess

Ess takes readers on a hilarious yet poignant journey through the life of Darryl Cook. Darryl and his wife, Mindy, define their bond by exploring the boundaries of liberation and exploration. However, when Darryl falls under the influence of a manipulative couples therapist, his marriage and sense of self begin to crumble. Darryl serves as a reminder of the consequences that come with pursuing an intentional and examined life.

A Severed Head by Iris Murdoch

Murdoch’s psychological unraveling takes center stage in this novel. Wealthy wine merchant Martin Lynch-Gibbon finds himself torn between his brilliant wife and his charming young lover. As his relationships intertwine, the absurdity and pettiness of marriage and passion become apparent. Murdoch proves that even the most passionate marriages can devolve into a circus of rival affairs and mistaken identities.

The Vegetarian by Han Kang

Han Kang’s acclaimed novel follows Yeong-hye, a woman who becomes a vegetarian after a series of violent dreams. Her decision challenges the societal norms imposed on her, and she faces opposition from family members and the men who wish to control her life. The Vegetarian explores the fragile and dangerous ecosystem of matrimony and presents a surreal vision of a woman seeking autonomy in a world that seeks to confine her.

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

Armfield’s novel uses a compelling surreal premise to explore the aftermath of a traumatic event on a marriage. After a deep-sea expedition gone wrong, Leah returns home transformed, physically and emotionally. Her wife, Miri, grapples with the changes and mourns the loss of their shared routines. Our Wives Under the Sea serves as a metaphor for how people evolve alongside their partners and the difficulties of reconciling these changes within a marriage.

Philosophical Reflections on Marriage

These novels offer profound insights into the nature of marriage, inviting readers to ask philosophical questions about the institution itself. What does it mean to be bound to another person? How do love and desire change over time? Can we ever truly know someone else? They challenge conventional notions of marriage as a static and stable entity, presenting it instead as a space for exploration, growth, and transformation.

Editorial: Navigating the Complexities of Marriage

The books listed above provide invaluable perspectives on the intricacies of marriage. They remind us that matrimony is not a fixed destination but a fluid journey that requires constant effort and adaptability. As readers, we can draw wisdom from these narratives in navigating the complexities of our own relationships.

It is important to approach marriage with an open mind and a willingness to continually learn and evolve alongside our partners. The novels discussed here showcase the power and potential of love, as well as the potential pitfalls and challenges that can arise within the institution of marriage.

Advice for Cultivating a Strong Marriage

Based on the insights gleaned from these novels, here are a few key principles for cultivating a healthy and resilient marriage:

1. Embrace Change and Growth

Understand that both you and your partner will change and evolve over time. Embrace this process of growth and encourage each other’s personal development. Recognize that marriage is not about maintaining a static image but about supporting each other’s individual journeys.

2. Foster Open and Honest Communication

Effective communication is crucial for maintaining a strong bond. Create a safe space for open and honest dialogue, allowing both partners to express their thoughts, feelings, and desires. This promotes understanding, empathy, and a deepening of emotional intimacy.

3. Nurture Shared Rituals and Intimacies

Alongside the grand gestures of love, it is essential to cherish the small, everyday moments. Develop shared rituals and traditions that strengthen your connection, such as date nights, morning walks, or simply sharing a meal together. These small gestures can deepen intimacy and reinforce your bond.

4. Embrace Individual Autonomy

Marriage should not diminish one’s sense of self but rather enhance it. Encourage each other’s individual interests, passions, and goals. A healthy marriage allows for independence and supports each partner’s pursuit of personal fulfillment.

5. Prioritize Mutual Respect and Kindness

Kindness and respect are the foundations of any successful marriage. Treat your partner with empathy, compassion, and understanding. Nurture a safe and loving environment where both partners feel acknowledged, valued, and appreciated.

By applying these principles and exploring the complexities of marriage through literature, we can navigate the ever-changing landscape of relationships with a thoughtful and informed perspective.