A Personal Perspective: Intimacy takes courage
The Challenge of Long-Term Relationships
In the world of love and romance, the initial stages are often filled with excitement, passion, and a sense of wonder. However, as time goes on, maintaining the vitality and energy of love becomes a challenge. It is during the long-term phase of a relationship that our capacity to sustain the spark is truly tested.
The Importance of Emotional Openness
Many couples may appear to get along well but lack the spark that makes a relationship truly vibrant. This can often be attributed to avoiding controversial topics or suppressing one’s true feelings in order to maintain peace. However, this approach does not foster true emotional openness, which is essential for a thriving relationship.
Being open in a relationship means expressing our feelings, even when they differ from our partner’s, and staying emotionally connected. It requires us to accept and embrace our partner’s thoughts, emotions, and beliefs without attempting to change or fix them. While this level of vulnerability can be intimidating, it is necessary for maintaining a deep and meaningful connection.
The Danger of Playing it Safe
Choosing caution over openness in a relationship may seem like a safe option, but it ultimately leads to emptiness and the gradual erosion of love. The excitement and liveliness that characterize the early days of a relationship will fade away, leaving behind a mere memory.
The heart of love relationships thrives on openness and honesty. Suppressing this openness or discouraging it in our partner goes against the very essence of love and intimacy. It drains the relationship of its energy and passion, leaving behind a shell of what it once was.
The Role of Deception
Openness is at the core of the strongest love relationships. Deception, in any form, acts as a barrier to true openness and hinders the growth of love. It infiltrates our lives in subtle ways, starting with the little white lies we learn from childhood.
As children, we observe deception in our parents’ actions and words. We witness them saying they are fine when they clearly are not, or hiding from phone calls. These instances plant the seed of deception in our minds and influence our behavior as we grow older.
This pattern of deception continues to evolve and adapt as we navigate through life. It may manifest as withholding information, bending the truth, or putting on a facade to please others. Like an infectious virus, deception spreads easily and can corrode the trust and intimacy within a relationship.
The Need for Approval
It is ironic that we often find ourselves less open with our partners, who hold such significance in our lives, compared to others who are less important to us. The fear of judgment and the desire for validation make us guarded and hesitant to fully express ourselves.
When our partners’ views and opinions matter deeply to us, we may subconsciously seek their approval and validation. We want them to see things from our perspective and share in our excitement or sadness. This desire for alignment can create tension if our partner does not share our emotional state or experiences.
Recognizing the Energy Levels in Relationships
Observing couples in a restaurant, one can often discern a noticeable difference in energy levels. Some couples exude animation and engagement, while others seem disinterested and disconnected. This disparity is often more apparent between long-term married couples and those in the dating phase.
Married couples may have already exhausted certain topics of conversation, leaving little room for deeper connection and exploration. On the other hand, dating couples continue to share their views, perceptions, and excitement, fueling their relationship with a sense of vitality.
Striking a Balance
To create and maintain a love that remains vibrant and fulfilling, a delicate balance between openness and caution must be struck. While it may be tempting to retreat into caution and self-preservation, true intimacy requires courage and vulnerability.
It is essential to create a safe space within the relationship where both partners can express themselves honestly and openly. This means embracing differences, being open to growth, and navigating through challenges with empathy and understanding. By fostering a culture of emotional openness, couples can cultivate a love that continues to evolve and thrive over time.
In the end, love is not about playing it safe or conforming to avoid conflict. It is about the willingness and bravery to be truly seen and understood, flaws and all. Only through such vulnerability can we experience the depth and richness of love that stands the test of time.
<< photo by Annie Spratt >>
The image is for illustrative purposes only and does not depict the actual situation.
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